Trials of the Heart
I’ve asked myself a lot of questions, lately, about the upcoming trial. Is it right to side with one parent over the other? Who deserves my help? What outcome would be just? Do I even care about what’s fair or not? It’s been a long process of sorting out my feelings to conclude what I’m going to do.
I’ve decided to testify for my father. Regardless of how my mother has wronged me and my family in the past, the situation isn’t right. I’m not happy with my father over his recent actions, not the least of which being a very negative conversation with my brother. However, I don’t believe my father’s life should be ruined over this. More to the point, though, I wouldn’t feel very good about myself if my father suffered because I decided not to testify.
I will not, however, put an overly positive slant on my testimony. I cannot speak to what happened between my parents because I honestly don’t know. All I know are their respective characters. My father is stable and honest, if none too bright when it comes to interpersonal communication. My mother, in contrast, is emotionally unstable, self-righteous, and manipulative. These are facts that I can state as a matter of experience with them.
It isn’t easy for me to say most of this, and believe me I don’t say it lightly. My parents should have split up years ago, and had many fights throughout the years that made me think they might. It’s not a fact that makes me happy, but honestly my love for both of them has all but faded.
My comfort lies with the family that I have retained. My wife has stood beside me through it all. She may not always agree with my feelings toward my parents, but she’s seen me through it all nonetheless. My brother and I jointly decided that we would stick it out together no matter what happened. In fact, it was only with his approval that I decided to testify at all.
I doubt very seriously that I will salvage much of a relationship with either parent due to the events of the past few months. I know that I will always love the parents that I remember from my youth. Unfortunately, people change. If I can come to love the people that my parents have become, it will only be after a long period of healing.