Comments on: Disciplining a Toddler

By: Stephen

Stephen — Sat, 30 Sep 2006 22:49:58 +0000

Thank you for your thoughts, Mary. I certainly respect your experience. However, I stand by my belief that some children are difficult or even impossible to discipline without spanking. The operant factor, I think, is temperament. I certainly can’t refute your daycare experience, but it may be that your own children have inherited common temperament characteristics that predispose them to be more manageable. I’d rather not turn this into a nature versus nurture debate, but temperament is as feasible an explanation as any for your ease in disciplining your children.

Whatever the case, I’m happy to hear your suggestions if you have disciplining methods that you’ve found to be particularly effective. As I’ve already said, I never thought it best to spank my son; I’ve simply resorted to it as the only alternative that seems to work for him at times.

By: Mary P

Mary P — Sat, 30 Sep 2006 19:22:59 +0000

While there is no denying the efficacy of a quick swat on the butt or the wrist, I disagree strongly that “there aren’t always viable alternatives.” I have three children, five steps, I taught grade school for a while and I’ve run a home daycare for over eleven years.

I have high expectations of the children I care for. They eat their greens, they rarely throw tantrums, I can take them in public freely.

Unlike you, I started out assuming I would spank, that it was a normal part of parenting. I did give my eldest the occasional swat on the butt. My son, maybe once, my youngest, never. I never lay a hand on my stepkids except in affection. And in the subsequent years of dealing with dozens of toddlers, I have never spanked a child. This is not to say that the learning curve for some mightn’t have been shortened a bit if I had, nor is it to say that I haven’t itched to swat certain recalcitrant little bottoms – but the children learned the rules and respected my authority without it. Every single one of them. Are there children out there who will *only* respond to corporal punishment? All I can say is that in eleven years, I have yet to meet one.

By: Stephen

Stephen — Tue, 19 Sep 2006 10:11:09 +0000

Thanks for all your comments, Kerri, Kailani, and Stephanie. While fatherhood is teaching me a lot, I suppose I do have to accept that I’ve only ever reared one child. Temperaments are definitely a hot topic in child psychology, and what doesn’t work for one child may very well work for another. I am of the mind that the direct caregiver will know best what works, so there’s no way to conclude whether spanking works or not on a global level. Each parent just has to take it on a case by case basis.

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Tue, 19 Sep 2006 02:25:06 +0000

I linked to my list of things I thought I’d never do before I had kids. How reality changes your perspective! I agree with Kerri though, they are all different. Spanking is effective for some, not for others.

By: Kailani

Kailani — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 19:33:30 +0000

I was never spanked as a child and I consider myself a fairly intelligent person. However, I am FOR spanking when all else fails.

Here via Carnival of Family Life.

By: Kerri

Kerri — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 17:17:50 +0000

I appreciated your thoughts! I can’t imagine how much of what I thought of childrearing before having kids has been thrown out the window SINCE having kids. I find it interesting, too, how different each kid is. My daughter as a toddler responded to a spanking (not beating, but a tap on the diaper kinda thing) as a deterrent. My older son could care less about spankings, except that they tend to encourage his hitting more. Time-outs are working (better, anyway) for him. We’ll see with the third as he’s beginning his toddlerhood!

By: pinkdiary808.com » Carnival of Family Life #19

pinkdiary808.com » Carnival of Family Life #19 — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 07:38:03 +0000

Carnival of Family Life #19 [...] Stephen of Project Paradox talks about Disciplining a Toddler. Find out how his pre-child opinions compare to the reality of being a father. [...]