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I normally get a steady stream of joke emails from my mother (whether or not I want to  ). Most of them are silly in a not-really-worth-repeating sort of way. A recent one caught my eye, however. It was entitled, “Never Choke in a Southern Restaurant.” I wish I could say I didn’t know people who’d confuse the Heimlich maneuver like the guys in the joke, but I’d be lying.
The “Hind Lick” Maneuver
Two hillbillies, Ed and Red, walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, “Kin ya swaller?” The woman shakes her head no. “Kin ya breathe?” The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.
His partner says, “Ya know, I heerd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’, but I ain’t never seed nobody do it!”
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