Chuck Norris Facts

I first heard them in general chat while playing World of Warcraft. Not understanding their origin, I disregarded it as an isolated incident of player boredom. Then it happened again on an entirely different day. At this point I realized something was amiss, but it wasn’t until a coworker brought it up that I realized Chuck Norris facts were a wide-spread internet phenomenon.

So what are they, exactly? Chuck Norris facts are absurdly exaggerated statements about actor Chuck Norris’ physical capabilities, attitude, or general manliness. Some of them are actually pretty funny, although there are a fair share of corny and tasteless ones out there. Here are a few of the better ones.

• Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
• The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
• When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
• Geico saved 15% by switching to Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.
• Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.
• Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
• In order to survive a nuclear attack, you must remember to stop, drop, and be Chuck Norris.
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once ate a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
• Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris once took sleeping pills. They made him blink.
• Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a midget and it burst into 25 gold coins.

This entry was posted on Friday, March 17th, 2006 at 8:50 pm and is filed under Humor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.